How many breaths did you take today? How many times did your heart beat? You mean you haven’t been counting? Me neither. At any point have you reminded yourself to breathe, have you had to give your heart a gentle nudge to keep beating? No? So just how hard did you try to stay alive today?
It probably didn’t even cross your mind.
I saw my therapist yesterday, we did a sort of review of the last year. Sometimes looking back is good. Even though I think I’m a mess most of the time, I’m not in as much of a mess as I was this time last year. Things have changed, I have changed.
As we talked, I said that I felt I was a shadow of who I used to be. I’m very different from who I was before my mum got sick. I’m different from my younger self. Life, loss and heartbreak have taken their toll. My therapist asked me to think about steps I could take to find my old self. I immediately felt teary eyed, it was the recognition of another loss in my life, loss of myself, someone who used to have hope, who laughed, who dreamed about the future. Yes, those traits are lost, but it doesn’t mean they can’t be found again.
I was listening to the song linked below, ‘Tell your heart to beat again’, and the story behind it. I was reminded me of a similar experience in my life.
It was many years ago, I was working as a nurse in the emergency room. We had a gentleman come in, I don’t recall his name, let’s call him Mr X. We were in rescus, and he was in cardiac arrest. I was giving him cardiac massage. We were reaching the end of everything we could do to get his heart going again. The on call doctor told all of us to stop, and I remember so clearly, he said ‘Mr X, you need to fight for your life, tell your heart to beat again’. Mr X survived that day.
Perhaps you are living in the shadow of someone you used to be. Maybe life has broken you, and shattered your heart. Perhaps deep loss has crushed your hopes and dreams. Are you alive, but not really living? My friend, tell your heart to beat again. There is hope for your future, there is life for you outside the shadows. It may not look the same as your old life, but there is life. Whatever your circumstances, however hopeless things seem, God is your refuge, and whether you feel them or not, you are held in his everlasting arms. Deut 33:27
Tell your heart to beat again.